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Every so often, I’m inspired to ask friends and clients a question I’m exploring, and this one had an epic realization. I asked them, when’s the last time you were excited? And guess what? Every single conversation ended in the same plate. But before I tell you the key theme, what’s your answer to that question? When’s the last time you were really excited? And I’m talking 5 year old on Christmas Day excited. Welcome to Reality Alchemist where we smash life’s illusions and cocreate an abundance of self, health, wealth, and vitality. We’ll explore practical solutions to renew your mind, unlock your potential, and level up your life.
Hello, world. It’s Dr. Madisen Harper, and I’ve had some fascinating conversations lately. Here’s the gist of the response to when’s the last time you were excited.
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We are all friggin’ bored by life. We’re all so busy doing that we’re not living. If you’re on life’s flat line, then this podcast is for you, and it’s time to revive ourselves. A lot of my friends are similar to me, so we’ve been on a personal development journey for ages. And what was interesting is that all that they’ve invested in those journeys seems to be reaping the rewards, and there’s not a lot of issues that they’re experiencing lately, and they’re truly grateful for the challenges because they equal growth. And now it’s coming to a case of, well, now what? And they’re smart enough to not sabotage and create drama for something to do. With clients’ similar conversation, they felt like they were doing Groundhog Day. Every day is the same day, the same meetings, the same ideas, no innovation, no creativity, no time to think.
00:02:06
Same people, same job, same political shenanigans. They are bored, bored, bored, bored, bored. I’ll warn you, I’m feeling feisty today because I am so fired up by this topic. I promise you, all of my content is awesome and will get you thinking and inspired, but I feel this episode will take us to a whole new level. That’s not ego talking, that’s just clarity. I think I’m pretty phenomenal at what I do, and sometimes I have to remind myself too. So I don’t get caught up in my silly stories, which we’ll talk about later. Some of what I’ll share today will be epic, where I want to set your soul on fire.
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So I’ll make sure I highlight podcasts with keystone content. You may also wanna listen to this a few times because this is sole content, not surface content. I am so passionate about this. And if I’m guided to create something, I listen because I’m not gonna cheat you or me out of the ultimate expression. What I want for us is no more wasting our lives, no regrets when we die, and I’m going to share with you the top five themes of the regrets of the dying from Bronnie Ware, who’s a palliative care nurse. And we will go deeper into those in upcoming podcasts, but here’s the highlight. Number 1, I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. That was the most common regret of all.
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When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, and it’s easy to see how many dreams had gone unfulfilled. Bronnie acknowledges that most people weren’t even honored enough to get half of their dreams and now die knowing that it was due to choices they had made or not made. Number 2, I wish I hadn’t worked so hard. This came from every male patient. They miss their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but they came from a generation where the male was the primary breadwinner. All of the men she nursed really regretted spending so much time on the treadmill of work. Number 3, I wish I had the courage to express my feelings.
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Many people suppress their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they truly were capable of being. And the sad thing is many of them developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resented they carried as a result. We can’t control the reactions of others. That’s why I always encourage you to focus on your internal locus of control. Others may buck when you try and make changes, but when you’re being authentic, you’re being true to yourself and the relationship with them. And if they’re truly loving, kind, and relationship driven people, they will appreciate and love you unconditionally. Number 4, I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
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Many people are so caught up in their lives that they disconnect from the richness of friendship, and it’s not until their dying days that they wish that they had cultivated that more, and I think this is even more of an epidemic. And we all know that technology, which is supposed to be the ultimate connector, is making us a disconnected depressed society. Number 5, I wish that I had let myself be happier. Many people didn’t realize until the end that happiness is a choice. And hindsight is 2020 when they realize that they stayed stuck in their stinking thinking’s old patterns and behaviors. This so called comfort of familiarity overflowed into their emotions as well as their physical lives. And fear of change, that fear, worry, and doubt we keep talking about had them pretending to others and to themselves that they were happy, when all they wanted was to live an authentic fun fueled joyous life. Those are 5 inversion exploration questions, and I invite you to think about what would you regret because I do not wanna let that happen on my watch.
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If you have any questions about any of those 5 regrets, please send them through on the Reality Alchemist page, and I’ll be happy to give you some insights and start a conversation so you live a no regrets life. I am supremely serious about igniting excitement in myself and others again. And this thought when I woke up this morning grew into a full blown resource, which is available to the Reality Alchemist patrons, and of course, you can always just listen along and take notes. Because this energy is so ripe and rampant within me, I ain’t playing people. Go and get an accountability partner, and invite friends, family, teams to really delve into this, because life is about living, not just a lolling about. Sometimes when I talk to my corporate clients, they say, I can’t do personal stuff at work, now give me the liberty of a mini rant. You sure can. It’s actually called a human experience strategy, and it’s the trend to bring your whole self to work.
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And for those transformation experts and change managers, what the heck are you managing exactly or are we attempting to manipulate? This is all about change, choice, and triumph. Be the role model and inspire others to do the same. Remember, change is within. We can’t force anyone else to change. We want people to speak their souls. That’s what the human experience is all about. Organizations, employee experience is so 19 eighties. Again, this is a whole other topic, and I’m really feisty about this one because we’re doing our team members and ourselves and organizations and the customers and communities and the world that we serve a huge disservice by not mining what is meaningful and matters to people.
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And I’m pretty sure that you would like excitement in your existence as well as in your teams that fuels innovation, but also in your family to fuel relationship along with friends. End of rant. I’m just so passionate about co creating a real change in organizations and with everybody quite honestly. Before we begin, if you do choose to team up, remember this is about you. If you’re doing this with others, be the cheerleader, not their lecturer. Reminder, we can’t change others, just yourself. So remember the locus of control from episode 3 on gratitude. This is for you, not anyone else.
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We’re not rocking the boat, at least not at this stage. Let’s take the wisdom from Bronnie Ware’s book. Don’t be unhappy to make someone else happy. But in reality, we can’t make anyone feel anything. It’s their interpretation that elicits their feelings. But kindness and grace is key. When working with others, avoid things like, I think you should, I’m only telling you because it’s in your best interest or I love you. Stay in your lane, be true and unconditional, and avoid trying to create the illusion of feeling solid within yourself by controlling others, because that’s just not cool people.
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Okay. Let’s get into it, but here’s my promise to you, I know that when we start scanning and growing things that excite us and we’re passionate about, it actually refocuses all that wasted energy we’ve invested into dysfunctional thinking and actions that are really just being done to distract ourselves and make ourselves numb from not being true to ourselves, which isn’t as uncommon as you think. A lot of people are doing the same things day in, day out 90% of the time according to research. Let’s use that energy to fuel what you desire instead of your fear, worry, and doubt. From personal experience, I know I don’t need to self sabotage by overeating a whole cheesecake because when I’m in the zone, life is already so sweet. Okay. So where do we start in relation to when’s the last time you were really excited? When I ask people this, there was, like, a full stop. They had no idea.
00:11:41
It was like they were scanning the ages of time to try and think of the last time they were truly excited. That’s where we have to start. Life does leave clues. I want you to just grab a piece of paper or wherever you wanna document this and answer the question and scan your life, when was the last time you were truly, truly excited? I’ll give you some examples of my experience. One of the things I love love love love love love love to do is go warehouse mall shopping. And when I’m in LA or New York, oh my gosh. Bargains galore. And it’s not just about stuff.
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I just love beauty adornments. I don’t care if it’s at Target or Chanel. The other time I was super, super excited is when my friend Yvonne and I got the opportunity to appear on a major news show, and we were the top two segments for the season. It was so, so exciting, and it had a huge ripple effect. I also love going to personal development sessions or courses led by people who are rock stars in their field. When I complete them, I feel like I have more gifts in my toolbox, and it helps me be the best version of myself. And I do believe we continuously learn to the day we die, so that really keeps that fire alive within me. Even sometimes, I look back and I’m excited about something that I may not have been excited about in the beginning, and one of those things was doing my PhD.
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Do you think I wanted to go and study and get yet another degree or certificate? No. Then it all made sense as I got into it, because it was all about the conscious and the subconscious mind, which is the integral part of my work today and my purpose. I did get excited when I really got into it. Another one was when I did professional makeup classes last year. I finally went and learned how to do my makeup. I was doing my makeup the same for, like, oh my gosh, probably 10, 20 years. Not only was it fun and creative and really kind of spoiled me, it helped me overcome some blocks. Because every time I wanted to create videos, I felt like I had to get a makeup person because, fundamentally, I’m vain, and I didn’t wanna spend the $250 all the time.
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But apart from the money, just finding people who are available were a challenge. And, of course, one of the other things are holidays. That’s really exciting. Let’s be honest. That’s low hanging fruit. If you’re bored or not looking forward to a holiday, that’s a whole other problem, so save your time and money. Going to pick up my fur babies, oh my gosh. I was so excited when I went to the animal shelters to get these gorgeous little creatures.
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I was so in love. And I swear, these animal shelters must have a picture or poster of me on the wall that says, warning, this woman will kiss a cat or dog’s face off. I’m like one of those peppy Lapis, like, kissing them all over. I love them. This one probably won’t be any surprise to you because I’m doing it right now, and you can probably hear it in my voice. But I get super excited about sharing content with the world. I love doing what a lot of people’s biggest fears are. I love doing keynote talks, group coaching, 1 on 1 coaching.
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I love the discussions, the realizations. And even my sign off to these podcasts where I say there’s no time and space, and I’ll believe in you until you believe in yourself, that came out of me doing a group session. When I said that to the participants and they said that’s the nicest thing I’ve ever heard and I actually believe you when you say it. And you better believe it because I am really heart centered around that. I got up this morning and I was pumped. My mind had a whole other agenda, but my heart had a different one. I had to do this podcast, acting through inspiration and not perspiration. The content literally could not be contained.
00:15:39
It was like that food poisoning scene in the movie, Bridesmaids. Oh, my gosh. That made me laugh. And by the way, I’m sharing the video with you in the show notes and I just watched it again. And when she says, look away, look away, I’m still laughing about that. Why was I inspired? What you don’t realize is, what I create for you, I also create for myself. It’s exciting for me to be able to facilitate new perspectives for people, so they can escape pain and then get keys to releasing the saboteurs or the thoughts or the actions that are keeping them locked up. I’m gonna throw those keys to you now.
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Are you ready? Like, let’s unlock this stuff. But I am free. I am free. Ready? Throwing them to you now. Oh, okay. You dropped them. You weren’t ready. Okay.
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Let’s try again. But before I throw them again, I’ll ask you, do you wanna shaft the shenanigans of the stories your mind’s created because they’re not real? And I’ll meet you where you’re at. I’m not asking you to start a life revolution, but you’re welcome to. Okay. Ready? Here you go. This time I’m giving you a magic set of keys. Great. You caught them.
00:17:02
And I’ve heard you unlocking the door. So let’s do this step by simple step. You may have to stop and pause this audio a few times. And patrons, I encourage you to download the playbook. And the reason why it’s called the playbook is because, well, workbook sounds like work. It’s really important that you juice this information out of your soul. Do a first pass, but that’s usually just the conscious mind thinking and as we said before, you cannot solve the problems with the same mechanism that created them, which is your mind. Just get it out of your brain, and then we wanna percolate and surpass the mind.
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And you might wanna use the quantum q and a process, which will be in the show notes. Then, we wanna really get down to that soul level. Think of all the things that truly really excited you, that’s where the hidden treasure is buried. Go all in. If you’re going to do it, then just let’s do this. You don’t need courage, you need clarity and commitment to yourself. How many times we keep promises to everyone else, but we don’t do it for ourselves? We’re going to start with a mini life audit, because as you know, I’m a huge data nerd, so let’s do some baselining. I want you to think of your life on the whole.
00:18:28
What percentage of your day to day is what you have to do, but it doesn’t really rock your world in a positive way? The next one is what percentage that you’re keen to do, but you could take it or leave it. And the last metric is you’re so excited, you cannot contain yourself. In the past, the percentages for me would be 70% from my day to day, just have to do it rolling along. I’m keen to do it, but I could take it or leave it, would be about 25%, and if I was lucky, super excited, 5%. Put those metrics down and then I’d like you to write down what you would like them to be. Don’t filter well, that’s just life, we can’t do what we like all day. Well, you know what, we can if we have the right heart set, not a mindset. Even if you just elevated your feelings of excitement by 10%, that is life changing.
00:19:28
Make sure you do that and now let’s look at how we’re going to get there. Grab a piece of paper and draw some columns. Patrons, it’s in your playbook, so just follow along there. Step 1, we need to get clarity, And life does leave us clues. You just need to write the answer to all the times you’ve been excited in your life and just list them down. It’s about what made you happy and excited, not others happy, and you were just a bystander to their excitement. It’s when your heart was full, you’re laughing or even crying with joy and excitement. You anticipated it.
00:20:09
You reveled in it. You celebrated. You reminisced because it was so damn delicious. If you’re not clear on what you want to ignite, I have a tool for my PhD research. It’s simple, but it’s effective. Gets you to look at what I call the limitless life pillars, and it’s around career, community, education, family, finances, friends, health, home life, love life, personal development, or spirituality. Two questions, put them in order of priority, and then rank your happiness for each one with 1 is not happy at all and 10 is extremely happy. Again, you can get this from the show notes.
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Once you get your scores, just have a look at them, but use them as guidance because the ones that are being highlighted may or may not resonate with you. I also encourage you to only pick 1 or 2, so we don’t get overwhelmed and abandon shit because it’s exactly the opposite of what I want you to do. Because life is about living and not longing or settling, and this is all about reimagining those parts of your life. Step 2, I’m gonna call it the bliss bomb. What is the essence of those experiences that excited you? And I’ll give you some of my examples. When I express my purpose, especially in a huge way, it is so fulfilling to me to have a really, hopefully, positive ripple effect. The personal development stuff is all around self care and learning and growing. I get super excited also when it supports my purpose.
00:21:43
Even the makeup situation, it allowed me to take things into my own hands, instead of having an excuse to hinder not making videos. That came about because I was doing videos with my friend, Angie, and didn’t have a good sleep. I didn’t really know how to do my makeup that well. We went and did all this video stuff, and, you know, it was okay. But I’m still a woman. I still wanna look good on camera. And I’m not gonna be that vain that I’m going to withhold content, but it really was an indicator for me to get excited about putting content out there without any inhibitors. Also, learning to edit videos and audios, are they perfect? No.
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Am I proud? Yes. Are they done? Tick tick. Proud is a huge slayer of perfection. One is a heart focus and the other is a mind focus. Just getting things out there makes me proud. And for those of you who don’t know, I’ve recently taken up painting and I’ve been gifting them to people and doing things from my own home, and there was only one painting I wasn’t proud of. Sorry, Nick. But he loves it.
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And who am I to get in the way of universal inspiration? Because I did paint that picture for him and just let it flow through me. So maybe I wasn’t proud of it, but I was proud that I persisted and honored my flow. I get excited when I see people amplifying their gifts, and that’s a lot to do with my work as well. I also appreciate those people, the YouTubers and the content creators. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I had to do some tiling in my bathroom.
00:23:22
Again, very persistent. Is it perfect? No. Is it done? Yes. Am I proud? Sort of, but it is done. I appreciate them sharing their knowledge and gifts. We all have them, and my aim is to guide you in amplifying yours. That’s what this process is about. They say if you do what you love, you never work another day in your life.
00:23:42
I cannot tell you how true that is. The other aspect was when I was going to adopt my dog, and what excited me about that is the essence is the connection, the love. Animals, to me, are the most sublime unconditional love, And just that journey of going there and making that connection and making a home for a being that didn’t have the best life was truly exciting because I have got more than enough love to give them. The shopping thing. I am truly inspired by beauty. I love to be adorned. I have things in my home and in my closet or anything. As I said, it’s not stuff to me.
00:24:21
I really appreciate the energy. If I’m not appreciating the energy, I tend to donate it. And for me, it’s all about honoring myself by surrounding myself with things that make me feel joyful. I invite you to look at all of the things that are on your list. What is the essence? And then look for the themes. As I said, life leaves clues. So for me, what excites me is when there’s that profound unconditional love connection, when I feel like I am making a contribution to the world or even the person sitting in front of me, when I feel like I can learn and grow and expand and use that knowing to better myself and share it with others. So those are my key themes.
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And the reason why we wanna know the key themes is because we wanna amplify excitement again, and we need to know what the seeds are, and these are your seeds. The next part is basically your inversion exploration. What happened? Why aren’t we getting excited anymore? And this is where we are focused on living a no regrets life. I personally, as much as possible, try and tie things up with a little bow when I let them go. I’ve had relationships that didn’t go into full fruition, but I made sure that I went all in on life. So I would never sit on a date somewhere in the future or be with somebody in the future and go, if only I had tried x, y, and zed with so and so. I don’t wanna ever have that thought. The same with the business I had with my friend, Divana, at 2 Rhodes Design.
00:26:14
We went all in. I made sure for myself that I looked at every angle, so in the future, I wasn’t sitting in a cubicle and regretting that I hadn’t tried another strategy. And be honest with yourself. What happened? Did life just get in the way? Unless you’ve experienced a major trauma, your mind is creating the misery. And once you’ve identified them, we’re going to go into the next step, which is your fictional stories that you’ve been telling yourself. This is where your Reality Alchemist comes into play and you become an epic story slayer. Every so often, I have a really stern talk to myself about the stories I’m telling myself, because it just makes me feel stuck and unhappy. And I’m, like, what are you doing? What are you doing with life? Stop your shenanigans and get on with it.
00:27:11
And that might not sound kind, but it does jolt me out of things. Remember in episode 1, people were wrongly incarcerated because a witness had a story based on their paradigm. I’ve already given you the magic keys to unlock your jail cell. So grab them now, turn the lock, and it’s time to free yourself. I also just wanted to share this amazing research that our brain is one big thought processor and we can easily delete our shenanigans stories because our brain is totally changeable and that is neuroplasticity in action. I’m sharing this research with you on kittens because one, it’s relevant and the other thing they are so damn cute. Holland Blakemore and Grant Cooper from Cambridge Psychology Lab put together 2 groups of kittens during a time where they were developing their critical senses. One group of kittens was raised in a chamber that only had lines that went horizontally.
00:28:17
The other group of kittens were raised in a chamber that only had vertical stripes. So here’s what happened. The horizontal cats, when they were placed in a chamber with vertical objects like a chair’s legs, walked into them. When the vertical cats came across the table, it was like they couldn’t even see it. It didn’t compute in their awesome little kitten brains or they’d just fall off it. Aw, poor kitty. The point is the environment was there but they couldn’t perceive it and that is great news for you. You don’t need to be a kitten or do a massive control alt delete on your stories for an exciting existence.
00:28:56
We just need new perspectives. After all, you created your paradigms from what you’ve learned, your experiences, and your surrounds, so you can easily reimagine them. Next to each of your excitement episodes, write down the stories you’ve created, which are just illusions as to why they aren’t rich in your life anymore. Common things are, I don’t have the time, that was a silly childhood dream, you can’t make money doing that, after all I have responsibilities. Well, we all do. 1st to ourselves, and then to others, because if we are not solid on our own foundation, we cannot be a gift to others. The other aspects will be around fear, worry, and doubt stories. When we produce the movies of our lives, we often create mountains out of molehill.
00:29:51
And ask yourself as you’re writing these things down as to why you haven’t recreated the excitement in your life or amplified it? What’s the worst thing that can happen? This is truly an invitation to just lean into it or lunge into it. I tend to be a bit of the latter because I’m a rip the Band Aid off type person. I figure, why prolong the pain? This is just part of the process to make you conscious that you have been denying yourself joy. That’s why it’s really important for you to immerse yourself into this and don’t race through this whole exercise. Get to the bottom of the barrel so we can scrape all that muck out. I do want to acknowledge the feelings are real, that fear, worry, and doubt can be so overwhelming even when the stories may not be. There is something called secondary gain by staying stuck and denying yourself. You may not want to have the conversation with somebody because you don’t want to hurt their feelings, but you’re desperately unhappy in the relationship.
00:30:49
The gain is not hurting the other person, The loss is you’re miserable and dead inside. Remember as Bronnie Ware said, it’s your choice. Life is supposed to be technicolor and everybody wins when we are truly being authentic. We just make things a lot harder than they should be. Be mindful, be aware, be honest with yourself. Get calm, do some of the mindfulness practices and meditations to get into a place of peace and centeredness that we talked about in episode 2. It’s really fun to have accountability partners around this. I had a lot of insights talking to friends and clients about it, and quite honestly, it’s better in than out.
00:31:38
Just like that scene from The Bridesmaid movies, it’s toxic and time to release it. Quite honestly, if you’ve had trauma or any other major difficulties, seek professional help, because you’re worth it. If you had a broken leg, you’d go to the doctor, and we seriously need to banish the shame around mental health. Okay. Now we’re getting to the really good stuff. This is about igniting that excitement and your life again, and it’s all about new perspective. Grab your excitement list, and we’re gonna look at how we’ve denied ourselves joy. And I’m gonna do a little bit of a guilt trip here, especially with people with kids.
00:32:20
If this was your child or someone else you love profoundly, would you wish that for them? Absolutely not. So I’m just gonna say, stop it and let’s get on with that, because your life is worth living. What are you going to do about it? You’ve got the information now. You know what excites you. You know the essence of what excites you. You know what has caused you to disassociate yourself from that bliss of life. Now is the turning point. What are you going to do about it? It’s totally up to you if you leap or lean.
00:32:56
I know when I spoke to a friend who said he was totally bored with life, I asked him what he really loves doing, and he says driving cars. So he joined a car club. He loved the challenge and competition of driving, but he also loves the people and the connection and being with a like minded tribe. It can be something that simple. It doesn’t have to take over your life. We know that you’re busy, but it’s about injecting excitement and joy back into your existence. The other thing I really invite you not to do is to turn this into a goal or a resolution. My intention is for you to have an intention.
00:33:35
There’s a huge difference in that. An intention is really open and flowing and full of potential and choices. Goals, let’s face it, they’re not always that exciting. They often feel like a chore and and it’s all about this destination journey business. And remember before, we said it’s the conscious mind going, you currently don’t have it, and you do want it. So it’s this discouraging slog, And that’s not what I want for you. I want you to experience a life infusion, not a life sometimes. It doesn’t mean, as I said, you’ll be doing it 247, but you’ll start training your mind, energy, and cells to vibrate in a heightened state of bliss instead of being a half dead bystander in life.
00:34:16
I’ll give you a personal example. This podcast is actually an expression of my excitement. I heard that LinkedIn was going to start doing live streaming, but you had to apply. And then I thought, hold on a second, LinkedIn, I don’t need your permission or approval. And it sparked something and I just fanned the flames and here we are. But if you’re listening LinkedIn, I’m more than happy to add awesomeness to your community. My intention for you is to set a profound intention for yourself, to reignite the excitement you know exists within you because it’s totally possible. My intention for you is to set a profound intention for yourself, and that’s to reignite the excitement you know already exists within you, and it’s totally possible.
00:35:05
The best thing is your mind can’t tell you otherwise because you have proof. You’ve got a whole list of proof. You decide if it’s a bonfire or a flame, but let’s just light a match before you die. And I see so many people who are dead inside, but still walking. There is no mindfulness practice this week because this whole episode is 1 huge inversion exploration. May the force be with you and go and explore that limitless life. That was huge. I feel like my work here is done.
00:35:41
I think I’m going to go and maybe, I don’t know, paint a picture or watch some mind numbing TV. If you’re working through this process and attempting to integrate everything we’ve discussed in this episode and have questions, then check out the livestream coaching I’m gifting you. Head over to my site to submit your questions in advance or dates and times to attend live so we can connect in real time. If you found this podcast valuable, then please subscribe, download, and share the love with those around you. Do it with your friends and family and be the leader of your teams if you have the job title or not. I wanna create a massive positive ripple effect and I sure appreciate your support. Also, a huge thank you to those who appreciate my content and have become patrons of my creativity through their financial contributions. It keeps the lights on, allows me to give jobs to others, and I give additional resources to patrons to show my gratitude.
00:36:59
But what excites me the most is that it lets me know you really value the value I’m providing. I kind of feel like Beyonce because your support means I don’t let my song die inside me.
So thank you. The increments make a huge difference and I truly appreciate you and your support. But there are also a plethora of free resources on my website for anyone to access.
There is no time and space, and we are all connected. So I’ll believe in you until you believe in yourself. Thank you so much for letting me live my why.
00:37:34
Go be your awesome self. Have fun. Get excited again. I have a relaxing date with a Netflix series.
